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Thinking Back: Only One Regret

Thinking Back: Only One Regret

I’m sitting here needing to write four scripts in record time for ‘Self-Rising Flower‘ — plus storytelling for the ‘Rachel’s Journal‘ work that promotes ‘Social Challenge‘ and I’m more-or-less breezing through it after setting up my usual blueprints and story patterns. Doing all of this with an effortless amount of speed that some average writers probably wish they could. This without ChatGPT or any other handicap tools. Just from years upon years of practice and routine writing kung fu that can’t be taught. Story development, for me, is easy for me.

Then I look at the camera shots I committed to in ‘Predawn‘ and ‘The Social Challenge‘ and cringe every single day. Story is fine but the execution of what I wanted cinematographically needs to be much better on each. I should have storyboarded better. On and on and on. The usual self-critical things.

But you know why both storytelling and cinematography are out of sync?

Because I did not commit to ‘filmmaking’ — actually behind a camera — over the years as much as I have been behind a pen and paper.

It’s my fault. Listened to too many people in an era where options on filmmaking equipment was either too expensive or of poor quality. Listening to too many people who said “You can’t shoot a film on Super 8, VHS, or webcam, or whatever was the cheap medium of the time between late 80’s and late 90’s.”

I should have shut them out of my head, told them all to kiss my ass, and practiced with the same dedication I did behind a piece of paper.

Now, you can shoot a film on an iPhone and get selected at festivals.

It’s not too late for me. At fifty-five years old, I have a classically trained skill that Hollywood is starving for apparently: something original.

I just need more behind the camera time.

And I’ve got an idea to get it. Me and my two cameras in my possession.

And no. It has nothing to do with working with anyone else. This is a private skill/vision quest. Fucking didn’t need anyone else to figure out how to write a paragraph, that’s for damn sure.

First, I hope whomever is reading this is encouraged that it’s not about ‘winning or being part of the industry’. This is all about sharpening and training a skillset you’ll need to achieve any of your goals.  For me, Predawn and Social Challenge could have been shot better. I cannot accept them as the ‘done’ of my talents. I’m got to raise the bar higher than what I did. I should have shot more film regularly over the years.

That’s the thing. If you are distracted over the years from practicing those skills to be better, it’s your own fault for letting those distractions get to you.

Once you recognize you’ve been distracted — and that could be anything from getting into relationships instead of focusing on your craft to being an alcoholic to just being a lazy bastard that would rather play video games instead of creating or listening to assholes tell you what you can’t do — you’re ready to make changes and that’s a good thing.

Never too late.

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